of praises and criticisms

snogs and frogs

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 03:50:46 GMT

Night after night you’ve convinced yourself to finally give in. You swallow your pride and decided to give love a try, another chance. But it’s not warm fuzzy feelings you encounter. Then you realize if love is ever about to happen or if it’s ever going to happen. Because you always end up with guys who makes you believe that there’s hope in mankind, when there’s not.

Dating is BIATCH. A friend once said that you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find that prince. But you’re not sure if you’re ready to snog frogs, when you don’t even believe there’s a prince out there. It doesn’t even help when all the remaining good and decent guys you know turn out gay.

Oh well, that’s just a sad, sad realization. Now, paying for someone else’s pocketmoney to Cambodia doesn’t sound that bad than nursing a broken heart and a pained ego.

Something I Simply didn't See

Tue, 19 May 2009 07:33:26 GMT

So I thought of this as an extended post from Zarina’s “Just a spoon full of sugar…” but it turned out to be what I call an insAIANNEity moment when coffee and stress both kicked in my system.

I was not in my critical-minded self lately, or, I was never in my critical mode since graduation (and that is 8 months ago). Somehow the musicals got stuck in my mind and got it working… again.

Disney’s stories have fascinated me as a child and as an adult still. I get kilig over cheesy cliché lines and still get terrified at cruel, treacherous and undeniably ugly villains. Somehow I never got over of dreaming to become a damsel in distress locked up in a tower; an adventurous fish out of water; and fly in a magic carpet ride. But never and I say never in my entire childish dreams have occurred to me to fall in love with a BEAST or kiss a FROG even if it entails the work of MAGIC, SORCERY and even BRIBERY.

I know there are hidden meanings and maybe the frog and the beast are somewhat a representation of something else but… what the hell were Belle and the frog-kissing princess thinking? I mean, wake up people!! Talking frogs and beasts with capes, awww…come on, there’s something creepy and weird about that.

So maybe, in their time and land where pixie dust, magic wands and enchanted fairies exist, TRUE LOVE is POSSIBLE. But in my world where everything is REAL, where no plump meddling fairy godmothers and flying carpets exist and EVIL are just not about wicked stepmothers and hags, then, TRUE LOVE is fairly NEGOTIABLE.

If Prince Charming and damsels-in-distress exist or if there were any and I say only FEW, they’re actually taken, married or in-between. The rest of the population are left to compromise and accept: compromise of what was left and accept the imperfections and “defects” of what you have or will have.

Maybe the princess got her excuse of kissing the frog-prince because of magic or maybe out of curiosity. Or maybe people in their land and time were still trustworthy and kind. But in my world where peoples’ guts are as vile as their thoughts and not to mention overly compulsive hygienic lifestyle – I would definitely say NO. I’ll leave it for others to do that task --the reason that it was Belle or the princess that were featured in the stories and not me or girls who think exactly like me.

If I were in their shoes, Beast would have likely died and the frog prince would still be a frog. Don’t get me wrong, I like Disney’s version of Beauty and the Beast (even if it was twisted) for their good musical numbers but (sigh) Beast isn’t just my type and I never became a fan of Kermit the Frog and Kerokerokeropi (too bad). I think I would have liked the Brothers Grimm version though.

*Happily never After*

2008: an assessment

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:30:08 GMT

I welcomed the year 2008 away from the conveniences of home and the presence of my family. It was a bad start and it went on for months. Just like its Chinese zodiac, the year of the rat has been a rat-a-tat-tat demanding. I was juggling research work for my thesis, events organizing for my organization and keeping in touch with almost-suicidal friends and thesis buddies. I was cranky, upset and totally lost veneration of my appearance. I grew pimples and stored more fats. Valentines and UP Fair came and went on but my social life was still in hibernation and my absolutely non-existent love life didn’t even matter anymore. To hell with cares and stares, fugly or not, not even love-struck or totally repulsed, I am graduating and will be.

Four years of late night burning candles, out-of-town research work, take-home examinations, spontaneous mini thesis, grueling midterms and annihilating final exams have come to pass as I walk up on the stage and received my reward. I was sad and happy. All hard work paid off but the thought of leaving my home for four years just breaks my heart. Afraid that my mind can’t contain all the curbs, humps, sheds and graffiti works that have been part of me for years, I considered the pros and cons of leaving UP and not leaving at all. I may be parting without the people I have come to know, love, and care for but the memories are etched in my heart. I have conquered college but the drama lives on.

Life after college is a crossroad. I began to assess if my four-years of college was really worth it. Was the training good enough to land me a job in an office? Or was it a façade after all? I spent the whole seven months in Davao thinking and re-thinking about my past, my present and my future. One time I decided to be a doctor, the other time I thought about taking up an MA in Art History or stuff like that. But most of the time I thought of swallowing my pride and applying for a call-center job. The pressure was killing me and my need to explore and pursue my dream of becoming an art historian or working for a museum was ticking me off. I need to breathe and relocate…again and Cebu is right on my mind.

The queen city of the south is maybe what I need for a jumpstart in my career. Located in the heart of the Philippines where Manila lifestyle and Bisaya culture meets halfway, Cebu city is just the right blend of being fabulous and fun. I can have the presence of my closest buddies with just a text away and the comforts of Bisaya culture. My mind was already set to Cebu and was busy googling the net for possible job openings but just weeks before my big move, I met an old family friend and told me about a recent job opening in Davao. Out of courtesy and curiosity I sent an application letter for my “last chance” in Davao and the rest was history.

Weeks after, I just found myself sitting in a swivel chair staring at my new desk inside an air-conditioned office. Everything went so fast. My normal daily routine would include waking up early, fixing breakfast, doing the laundry and beating rush hour traffic. On busy days like December it would mean going home late at night and surviving on three C’s: coffee, cereals and cookies. I was travelling all over the city for days and getting heart-attacks and heat strokes at the same time. I curse myself to get my lazy butt out of bed every morning and curse even more when things get fuddled because of my lapses or of others. I am constantly tired but I never complained how bad and potholed the roads were or why I endlessly lack my forty winks. I am terribly bushed but I am HAPPY.

As the year came to end, I found myself still living in Davao and somehow penniless. I could have chosen to earn thousand of bucks entertaining calls and working on a graveyard shift but choose not to. I am enjoying my job and continuously loving it. My job may not be enough for fancy dinners and luxurious items but it entitles me to free backstage passes and behind the scene tapings. Get to meet-and-greet foreign and local dignitaries, receive freebies and stipends, and to top it all visit places I’ve never ever been before. The start of 2008 may not be a good one but somehow it turned out alright. I am within the comforts of home and friends, still in company with more fab and noteworthy people and did I say work in a museum?

Happy New Year and Cheers for more fun and adventure-filled life in 2009!

Fogged

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 11:38:59 GMT

Edna, the CAL councilor, passed by with two of her friends chit-chatting while carrying styrofoams that contain of what I think is late lunch. Everybody seem to be busy doing something, three of the Tomo-Kai members are playing boardgames inside the ASS tambayan when two young bottle collectors approached them and asked for plastic bottles, while I catch a glimpse of Faye talking to her blockmates, my ex-blockmates, inside the Le Club Francais tambayan. Then somehow after a few moments, I noticed that the young collectors are now scouring the garbage bin beside our kubo, raking through the trash for more bottles to sell, even after Diana handed out an empty bottle of mineral water.

It was a fine, lazy-turned-hazy afternoon as our kubo is being fogged with smoke as Marcel and Diana started to puff their Malboro Lights on one of their timely yosi breaks. To avoid being fumigated with that distinct cigarette smell, I start to get my things as I decided to leave for the dorm since I have nothing interesting left to do in the tambayan as almost all invites and letters have been distributed for our two-week long anniversary next week. Having decided to drop by manong sorbitero for a refreshing snack before heading home, I was ready to go when I saw that familiar figure approaching the tambayan complex, descending from the elevated parking lot with his backpack slung on his left shoulder.

My heart skipped a beat as he smiled and said hi, and then that was it, my coup de grâce. Not anymore wanting to leave, I put my bags down as his presence started to overwhelm me; it is as if my whole system is being blocked and my consciousness being fogged. Weird it may be, somewhat, somehow, the reek of cigarette smoke started to smell like yellow jasmines in full bloom.

One word then, one smile was enough,

It was more than enough to let me stay.

Panda eyes

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:21:18 GMT

A week ago, I told Dee that taking the final exam in Nat Sci 1 is not an option. If that’s the case, that would mean that we have to consciously answer our last exam so that we’ll get exempted. Alas, our efforts were to no avail. Although we succeeded in passing our last exam, it wasn’t high enough to pull our over-all average to passing. Either we like it or not, we HAVE to take the finals on the 16th of October. It’s like destiny had it all planned. Now it’s for us to choose between missing our flight and taking the exam or taking our flight and missing the exam. I think Dee would agree with me, to choose the former.

But I can’t miss my flight for it would mean, I would have to move it to another day and pay the fees. I really can’t do that, my short break will be shortened and my mom won’t stop nagging me that I was so stupid to flunk my Physics exam (that would be a bruise to my ego). So, it’s time to take matters in my own hands, I begged my two professors in NatSci1 to let me take an earlier final exam and convinced them that I have to do an ethnographic research in the province for my thesis (which is true by the way). Good thing, my professors had a heart for an unfortunate soul like me, they agreed to let me take the exam by Friday!!! I just have to see Orly/Rolly (I didn’t hear exactly the name) so that I can take the exam.

The thing is, Ramadan starts on Friday and was declared a holiday! Holy crap! I guess I have to see one of them (Orly/Rolly or Dr. Ramos) tomorrow to confirm the exam date and time. So there, that was the last straw to break my back, now I really have to study – for my Art History exam and NatSci1 Finals.

No excuses and I mean it!!

don't. put it in your head. not in your heart

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 06:28:47 GMT

“I never knew you could play so well..”

“Di naman.”

“So, when did you learn to play the guitar?”

“Bakit mo gustong malaman?”

“wala lang, I’m just curious. By the way I—“

“pasensya na, di ako nakikipag-usap sa KONYO eh.”

Is it so wrong that I am not well acquainted with the Filipino language? That I feel comfortable using English and occasionally mixing it with “Tagalog” so to express myself fully? Why can’t you “Tagalog-speaking” people see it? Can’t you appreciate my effort to communicate to you or is it because you’re just insensitive to my feelings? Now you ask me why I don’t find you likable enough. Well, let me tell you mister the real reason why amongst the girls that surround you there’s one who doesn’t.

It’s not about the mess of your hair,

Or the smell of nicotine in your hands.

It’s not even because you don’t like jazz,

Or you flunked your major exams.

It’s JUST because you failed to see

Beyond the words and the accent.

Twenty

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 02:53:35 GMT

A week ago, a friend messaged me and casually asked, “How does two decades feel?”—now that got me thinking. When I was young, I consider my birth month (September), the luckiest month of all. I just don’t know why I thought so, but the sanest explanation I could get right now is that my birthday falls on a school term. As a kid, its okay that you don’t get presents as long as your friends and family are there celebrating with you. The presents are, lemme call it, ADD-ONS. But as you grow older, you also get busy, cranky and forgetful. Now, I honestly think that my birth month falls on an ungodly time of the year. September is one of the busiest months a college student could consider-- term papers, research papers, delayed long exams, proposals, mini theses, reporting etc, name it, September has it all! Since I stepped in college, I forgot about countdowns and that my birthday is nearing and whenever I happen to think of it, I’m always left with a dilemma, if I’m gonna throw a party or not, since I’m broke.

September this year, I turned twenty. The big 2-0 has finally come but twenty is a good number. Twenty is fine. I love the new found freedom, I love to assure myself that I’m twenty and twenty means that you’re gonna make a change. So to answer my friend’s question, how does two decades feel? MARVELOUS! Yes, life can be a bitch, but that’s fine with me. When you’re twenty you realize that there are so many things you overlooked because you’re so concerned about how to cover that fine wrinkle on your eyes or that laugh line you got on your mouth. Being twenty made me mature in such a good way. Unlike the past years where I’ve always been fuming with rage and ranting how life sucks, somehow I managed to keep myself calm and sensible. Instead of wasting my time ranting, I make myself productive while I ponder on things, i.e. doing my laundry while I evaluate my mistakes/problems and then think of solutions to it. Dee Ann said to me, “ikaw ang pinaka walay libog”, the nearest translation in English would be “cool” in the sense I don’t get mad, hurt and worry easily. I think for her, ranting is like not in my vocabulary, but I do rant – a li’l bit and sometimes. Yes, there is a satisfaction in ranting and raging, but, the problem with that is you don’t get to do something about it. The best way to overcome a bad day is not to bitch around and rant all your problems to other people but to compose yourself, rationalize and seek advice.

Now, this entry is getting really long and is sounding like a self-help advice book so I am just posting my last paragraph and then I’ll be out of my account and do some reviewing for my exam. Like I said, twenty is fine. It is bliss. Now, I have the excuse to be mature in my own ways, be sensible, and be a li’l bit nicer to everyone. Lol. Besides, I’m not the only one who turned twenty; everyone goes to the same stage and experiences it for a year. Next year I will be 21, but next year will not be around for the next 11 or so months. So, I’ll savor the moment what 2-0 can offer me.

[stuff I received on my 20th birthday, two mini cupcakes, a Dutchmill yogurt drink, a cute scrunchie, a cute coin holder that looks like a chaser, two cards with a caricature of me, one is of color green cartulina and the other is a message hastily written on an index card] – thanks girls! Really appreciate it. I really do.

Failure to Function

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 13:36:19 GMT

So my mind isn’t functioning right now. I spent the whole weekend, lazing in my bed, as if I have nothing important to do. Procrastination, the deadliest sin a graduating student (like me) could do, is guilty of. Dang, I really should be reviewing for my final exam in Art History this Wednesday but I’ve been delaying and trying to excuse myself for doing such. The readings aren’t that fun at all, except the feminist theories by Griselda Pollock and Laura Mulvey, the others spell H-E-A-D-A-C-H-E!

I may sound like whiner geek, but believe me, that final exam isn’t all that. I still have to make my take home exam in Western and American Art and finish TWO mini theses, one discusses about the Dynamics of the Filipino language and the other is about the Cult of the Lady of Guadalupe --- all three are due on Monday next week. I’m going home to the province this Saturday, so I have to finish all of my requirements before I fly home or else I will be bringing my schoolwork with me.

Oh, I am INDEED bringing schoolwork home. I overlooked the fact that my long delayed research proposal isn’t finish after all. So I will be doing the finish ups on my proposal, plus I the required 50-75-hour fieldwork to support the information/facts I need for my thesis. I should finish my proposal before October 22 or else no graduation on April! Nooooooooooooo!

Hah! So much for my wish of a long semestral break!

en la memoria de familia villa abada

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 02:28:11 GMT

The weather was muy terrible. It was raining non-stop but it didn’t stop us from coming to see Mon’ster. It was a post-birthday, barkada reunion, midterm booze session, welcome-to-the-family-Luigi celebration rolled into one. Everyone was there, even Kimisio whom we never get to see often (a excepción su hermana, Kathleen). The reunion was held in Meatshop, the place where good ol’ Tribu used to be. The place was muy ruidoso. It was reeking with smoke, overflowing with booze plus lotsa L-action. But it was one hell of a night of wicked laughter and memories of good ol’ Abada days.

Oh, ante me olvido. I would like to call la atencíon de lo siguiente personas:

Señor Julio Luis Ignacious Azura, gracias for taking good care of our pinaka palanggang Peypey . ¡Bienvinida a la Familia de “Abada”!;

Señor Feliz Tuazon, it’s good to see you again. Keep on rockin’, keep away from fats and do maintain the abs. Haha;

Maria la española de limpiadora, ¿te parecería bien si no fumas cigarrillo por el momento to avoid further complicaciones eh?

that afternoon in UP

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:38:06 GMT

    it was a saturday afternoon,
    saw him walking down the street.
    three years have passed,
    he still wears his braces.
    not much has changed,
    coz i do still like him.

    haaaay..

Narsisas....

Sun, 06 May 2007 10:16:16 GMT

This is US

But this is the other side of US

I Know What I Did This Summer

Thu, 03 May 2007 08:18:35 GMT

In the middle of summer class, hardly halfway through my research proposal, I decided to take a break, relax and do something that none of my friends would ever imagine I would do --- Volunteer.

I have been doing volunteer work for quite some time now. Aside from patiently attending my 7am Psych 101 class everyday and doing my research “kuno,” I’m also volunteering somewhere in Katipunan by assisting in a summer workshop for street kids. With these work I’ve been doing, I’ve been branded as an Art Studies major, minor in Volunteer Work.

This spirit of volunteerism started few months ago, when out of the blue I signed up to be a volunteer of Trauma, Interrupted. I started off working as an assistant to Japan-based artist Yoshiko Shimada and local artist Alma Quinto. My work is to assist the girls in CRIBS during their art workshop.

After CRIBS, I volunteered in one of the projects of Trauma, Interrupted, the House of Comfort, conceptualized by Alma Quinto, where participants (mostly women and children) were told to sew and patch their dreams with the use of different clothes and textiles.

Recently, I joined the Barbing Pinay project, founded by the AS2 class of Flaudette May Datuin, Ph.D. The project was renamed to Taong Pinoy (OTAP) Doll Making.adopted from the OTAP doll made by Ligia Daroy, the lone child delegate of UP. OTAP is 12 years old, has wings and likes to eat OTAP, a local biscuit of Cebu in Visayas.

The name OTAP stands for “OTA” reverse form of TAO or human being while “P” stands for Pinoy/Pinay, a slang word for Filipinos. For the children in Help Learning Center, OTAP could mean as Taong Pilay or paraplegic to honor the differently-abled children in their will to create their own doll.

Last April 29, the group went to Donsol, Sorsogon together with the differently-abled children of Help Learning Center to make dolls for the children survivors of typhoon “Reming”. The workshop enabled the children to dream, hope and make their own doll.

Though I wasn’t able to finish the 2-day workshop since I have to return to Manila by the morning of April 30, the short time I have been with the group made a lasting impact on me. I know that the OTAP project will flourish and I dream of it to become big and be able to help and reach out to more children. If time and money would permit, I would like to come back and visit the children of Help Learning Center together with the OTAP group. My one-day workshop was really bitin, but it was one of the best things that happened in my life. Though I wasn’t paid for my duties, the experiences were worthwhile and incomparable.

P.S.

I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to the following persons who made my stay worthwhile:

Prof. May Datuin for giving me the opportunity to help and reach out;

To Tita Fe delos Reyes who is kind enough to lend her driver and accompany me while we try to catch up with my bus;

To Tito Ed and the children of Help Learning Center, thank you very much for accommodating us;

To Tito Dick, Ligia, and Mamasan, thank you for the experience and friendship;

To Joshua, I hope you had a great time with us because we did. Even though we have to translate everything for you, it was fun having you around.

To my partners in crime Erika and August, Salamat kaayo sa experience and company. Sana maulit muli at sana makasama ko kayo sa susunod na project.

My Grown up Christmas wish

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 04:15:29 GMT

The winds have become colder and the nights are longer. It’s December once again but somehow I don’t feel like it. My mom has been bugging for weeks that I should already buy my ticket home but lately I’ve been thinking of not going home.

Christmas has been cheerless and lonely lately. The people I grew accustomed with celebrating the holidays have already left to live abroad while others have parted forever. My favorite pinsan, who never missed to spend the holidays with our family, has already left for UK with my tito and tita while my grandpa has gone off somewhere special, somewhere better. This year it would just be my siblings, my mom and I celebrating the holidays since my Dad won’t be able to make it because of his work abroad. I never imagined changes would be so hard but I guess I have to get used to it.

Time has changed a lot and over the years, things weren’t the same as it used to be. I wish I could go back when my Christmases were still merry and loud. Back where I used to drink hot chocolate and eat kakanin after the dawn masses. Back to the times I could still sing a happy tune and belt out Christmas carols. Back when I still believe that Santa Claus exists and reindeers fly. But how I wish I could.

On Rain and Love

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 04:14:20 GMT

...my umbrella became my best friend

“Nagpayong ka na agad,
Di mo man lang hinayaan i-enjoy ang ambon.”

The first time I danced under the rain was with my cousins. I was eight then but I have to sneak out of our house without my mom knowing. She never permitted me to go out and play under the rain and I wondered why. One fine, summer afternoon, black clouds came rolling and big droplets of rain started falling. I saw my cousins and some of my friends were already playing on puddles of mud and water. The laughter on their faces urged me to rebel and a moment later I was out in the rain. My mom saw me splashing around our backyard but it seems she’s not paying any attention to me. For the first time she let me do my thing. Being out in the rain gave me the pleasure of freedom. I never felt so free and happy. But that night, I was high with fever and down with flu. I had to stay in bed for a week. I was so scared of being sick and I hated the feeling of helplessness and the eerie feeling of dying. After that, no one could persuade me to go out and play in the rain again. I started using an umbrella and my umbrella became my best friend. Every time black clouds rolled in the sky, I would be ready to face the storm with it. On days that I’m left unarmed and heavy rains pour down, I would patiently wait for it to stop even though it would take time

g'bye Van

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 06:56:19 GMT

A week ago I was down with a nasty flu, a nagging headache and an excruciating pain in my chest due to smoking and drinking (excessively) at the same time. But I gotta snap back to reality, party mode is so OVER and there are papers do make, films to shoot and exams to pass.
It was also just last week when I realized that people I know are changing. They’re getting married, pregnant or sometimes they’re dying. Tears welled up my eyes when I discovered that that my grade/highschool classmate/friend Van Roland died last September 30 from a vehicular accident. He was on his way to Mt. Carmel for a YFC thing before he crashed into a ten-wheeler truck. He died young but at least he died (well) doing something good (YFC).

Van is the kind of guy who would greet everyone, may it be his friends’ tito or tita, dad or mom, lola or lola and even Yayas and Ates in our school canteen or the suking tindahan. When I informed my mom about his death, my mom started crying over the phone. My mom loves Van, and I know that anyone who knew Van would be crying for his death too. Without Van, life would be boring. He used to organize get together parties when he was still alive. Together with Momoi and Abbey, they would scout places for possible venues and disseminate information to those who wants to attend the party. It’s just sad that when he’s already gone I wasn’t able to thank him for his kindness and how I appreciate his puns, jokes, and hirits even though it can get irritating sometimes.

Unbeknownst to me, I was actually reliving the good ol’ days I had with Van. While I was talking to Faye, I found myself playing the “Doctor, Doctor” game that somehow reminds me of our grade school days. Surprisingly, the Backstreet Boys’ songs were also playing on our CD player and it reminds me of Van buying all the albums of his beloved Backstreet and dancing to its tunes on our school corridor.
Van is bursting with life. The reason I didn’t expect him to die – young.

He has weaved a lot of dreams already. When we were young he used to tell me about his dreams of having a family of his own, a house, a car and some dogs but sad to say he won’t be here anymore to realize it. I’m coming home this semestral break and it’s sad that I won’t be seeing him again and I won’t be hearing his laugh that’s full of life. There will be no Van who will always have his arms to hug you when you’re down and lonely. He won’t be here anymore to hear my ranting about my poor love life and he won’t be here to tell me that I’ll soon find my love. Life without Van wouldn’t be the same.

Van’s death is reminder of how life can be full of surprises. Some would be thinking that the appropriate thing for me to say is that life is unfair. But what I realized is that Life is REALLY fair. We are merely players. Each move has it’s own risks and we knew it but we try to take those risks to survive. The stakes are high and it’s a matter of how you play it. Van made his move and it’s the risk that he took and I’m not blaming him or anyone for his death. There are reasons why Van left us early and whatever those reasons are – I think; it’s for the best.

Good THings don't Last LOng

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 04:34:18 GMT

i can't do this anymore. i need to spill this out!!! i'm doing this so that i won't go crazy keeping it for myself.

i was browsing my folders in My Documents when i came upon my blog entries last year. in my entry i was gushing about how my latest crush is so cute but how i hate him for being sayang because unfortunately he likes guys too.sigh! isn't it amazing that i've been talking about the same things over and over again? crushes, crushes, crushes but the difference though, as seasons change so as their names too.

right now, i'm not afraid to tell the world that i do have a crush - for the nth time. i'm quite comfortable in my go-tell-it-to-the-world state because i know that a day or two i'd forget about him and even his name(just like what happened in the past). sad but true.

so my current crush is cute, as i am told. well, i wouldn't like him if he isn't. he's funny, nice and i'm crossing my fingers that he isn't gay (please lord, please let him be straight). the embarrassing thing of having a crush on him is having me sing to the tunes of Panalangin of the Apo Hiking Society. okay, so i won't freak out yet. this is normal. i always do stupid things when i have a crush. i'll just let myself get the hang out of him and then maybe i'll forget that i once had a crush on him.

i'm not the kind who easily gets smitten by good looks and charms. my crushes weren't tall and hunky but they were always likable, witty, has a cute smile and sense of humor, and they either wear glasses or retainers/braces. but the common problem i do have with them is that they already have a girlfriend or wife, obsessed with school works or they're GAYS (why J*** why?).

i won't go over the obvious details of describing my crush further. i know i'll get into a lot of trouble if i go loca again telling everybody about his identity. you may not get the sense of this but somehow, maybe in a month or two, this entry will put a smile on my lips, reminding me of how i felt kilig and how i fell in and out of "crush" again. ^_^

Memory Lane

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 15:00:48 GMT

On the last day of our fieldtrip in Cagayan Valley Region, I happened to realize how much I miss home. It’s all because of the endless horizons of rice fields and coconut trees that reminded me of Davao. Well, I’m not really saying that Davao is all about rice fields and coconut trees it’s just that it was my first time to go out of the urban life and going away from the hustle and bustle of city life reminded me of HOME.

Me and Ange, my buddy/roommate for the trip, were sharing the same i-pod that we borrowed from Aina to keep us sane from the long and boring trip. The problem of not having your own i-pod is that you don't know the songs stored in it. I'm not saying that we didn't like the songs in the playlist; actually, we kinda liked it. It's just that, we were so amused that the whole playlist of songs were so “old school” - songs we consider classic and old because it became a hit when we were still in grade school or high school.

The whole trip was so NOSTALGIC. The rice paddies, farm animals, coconut and fruit trees together with Mariah Carey, Monica and Jeniffer Love Hewitt made the trip fun. It's like being transported back in a time where everything was in black and white and in slow motion.

Now, I understand how Czar would put the “retrograde” experience whenever she goes home to her tita in Tarlac. Just like Czar and maybe some other people, I ended up reminiscing the good ol' days and actually missing it. Well, I think that's what music could do.

August 25, 2006, Friday

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 10:32:54 GMT

[6:30am]

i was awaken by the beeping of my phone. geez, who could be texting so early this morning? i was about to throw my phone somewhere far from my bed when an unknown sender caught my attention. it was ate che from the Dept. of Art Studies, she was informing me and all the others who are planning to join the Sagada-Banaue trip that night, that there are only limited seats available on a first come, first serve basis. it was because only ONE bus was contacted by Prof. de Leon for the trip of his four classes namely Art Stud1&2, Tourism and Aesthetics (my class).

[8:10]

i was so glad to discover that i was trailing behind ate che when i arrived in FC thinking that i was on time and i could still reserve a seat for the trip. boy, i was so surprised to see 6 students ALREADY waiting for ate che outside the dept. after the instructions and reminders, i was happy that i was the 7th lucky person to reserve a seat for the trip out of the 10 seats that was available at that moment.

[8:25]

i was walking towards Gonzales Hall, if you happen to know, it's the other name of the Main Library. along the tree-lined street, i was chirping like a bird (duh)thinking how lucky could i get for having reserve a seat for the fieldtrip. i was eager to arrive in the lib since i thought it was a great idea to start this beautiful day. but then i was WRONG.

[2:00]

i was on my way to the boarding house to prepare for the trip that night. i was looking forward for a good facial, scrub and rest to rejuvenate me for the whole trip. i bought two YKL (36exposure) films for a prize of one (36exposure) Kodak film. i couldn't care if i was such a cheapskate or something, i need to save for the trip for those blasted pasalubongs that drills your pocket. weird enough, i really don't need the films, i can just use my digital camera to take pictures of the trip. hmmm..

[4:15]

i was boarding the philcoa jeep to UP. just when i thought i could have my beauty rest, cham texted me that she wouldn't be joining me in the Sagada-Banaue trip because Meilene and Joan wasn't able to reserve their seats. then i came to realize if cham won't be joining me, then who else will accompany me through the trip. there were just four in our class who were able to reserve seats for the trip, cham, me and the other two that i don't even know. with only 2 and a half hours left before the cagayan valley trip leaves, cham and i decided to back out from the banaue-sagada trip and join the photography trip in cagayan.

[6:30]

it was raining outside CASAA while i was waiting for Hannah to arrive. i wasnt able to get my fieldtrip money from ate che since she left early to prepare for the trip - she too is also going with the Sagada-Banaue trip. i decided to sell my seat to hannah, who was grateful that i sold my seat to her because she was bugging ate che the whole day for an extra seat for the trip. i only have 30 minutes left before the trip to cagayan leaves but since we're observing filipino time here, i was confident that even i would be 20 minutes late, the bus wouldnt leave yet. i just need to get Hannah's money, the money that i'll use to pay for the photography trip, then i'll go home and get my things for the cagayan valley trip.

[9:00]

i was right, i was 10 minutes late when i arrived at quezon hall and the bus wasn't even there yet. i was sitting in the aisle seat and god knows how cramped i was feeling that time. we had just passed by SM North and my back was already aching. i couldnt care less, i was starting to enjoy the trip. the fact that i was going to a new place excited me. now, i just have to think of something that will divert my attention to my aching back and building nausea.

[11:30]

we already had 3 stops and my back ACHED. we're still 7 hours away from our destination and that means 7 more hours of torture. the man from the back was snoring LOUDLY, how could i possibly sleep?

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 08:04:37 GMT

It's Monday,the 21st of August and I'm burning my butt here infront of the computer for hours now. No, I didn't miss my classes and I didn't excuse myself from work. Today has been declared a national holiday by Arroyo to commemorate the death of Ninoy Aquino years ago.

Then I realized that I'm close to getting old. Five weeks from now is my 19th birthday. Shocks! Five years ago, I can't imagine myself turning 19 and closer to the big 2-0 but here I am now. Not much has changed except that I have gained a little bit of protein in my arms and thighs. Sigh.

Oh well, since I'm turning 19 and I can't do much about it. I decided to live my life to the fullest and to wrap it up I came upon a list of things for me to do/accomplish before the celebrated 2-0!!! A list to keep me motivated for the next 13 months. Here goes:

* go to a conference (Anthro or Art Stud)
* get a decent job/part-time job
* travel to any Philippine destination except, of course, Davao
* publish an essay/poem for a journal
* learn an Asian language
* attend my org's annual quiz show in Bukidnon
* read 10 classic novels (gee..)
* watch Lord of the Rings (the trilogy) - oh no!
* aquire Sidney Sheldon's latest novel.

Well, for a list it's quite short but it's fine with me. As long as I stick to it.

Memoirs of a Geisha

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 03:38:27 GMT

“A story like mine should never be told,” the movie’s narration begins. Geisha was filmed to bring Arthur Golden’s 1997 world wide best seller to life as a rich love story. The novel charm readers with an exotic world in which women served men less with sexual favors rather than by showing the feminine ideal. But the book’s main focus is a fairytale that is familiar to every culture: the poor-girl-meets-rich-man-of-her-dreams plot.

The protagonist of our story was first named Chiyo, who was sold by his father to an okiya, where she must learn “to be like a lady”. Well, a special kind of lady: a geisha termed also as “wives of nightfall”, who for centuries have served Japanese gentlemen with daintiness, wittiness and a mastery of arts such as flower arranging, calligraphy, singing, dancing and playing the three-stringed shamisen.

At a young age, Chiyo has these graces only shadowed by Hatsumomo, the reigning bitch-goddess of the okiya. But a famous geisha, Mameha, sees how they might flower into something greater. She begins the girl’s training firmly and slowly the willing student with blue-gray eyes grows into an entrancing geisha known as Nitta Sayuri. Captivating enough to attract the attention of the Chairman, a powerful man whom Sayuri has adored since she was a little girl and who has showed her kindness. But Sayuri’s rise doesn’t please Hatsumomo' pride. She sees Sayuri’s promise as a threat and warns the girl that she will destroy her.

Geisha tackles the story of Japan’s most mysterious and misunderstood female vocations. The very word geisha means artist. Their role is to help ensure that the guests have a good time. The geisha make conversation, keep the drinks flowing, and often perform a traditional Japanese dance or song during the meal. Today, there are perhaps hundred left of the practitioners in Tokyo. Many people still think that geisha are high-class prostitutes or that they are all kept women. Though it may be natural that some geisha may become the girlfriends of clients, but many aren’t. The profession is slowly modernizing to keep up with changing times. Geisha have changed a lot, simple makeup is now standard at most functions and while training is still rigorous, it is not nearly as punishing and all consuming as it was once.

Memoirs of a Geisha is a Japanese Cinderella story, with Sayuri as the young heroine, Mameha as the fairy god mother, Hatsumomo as the evil step mother and the Chairman as Sayuri’s prince charming. The movie is an honorable tear jerker that earns its tears through the artful representation of likely events and sincere feelings. As Mameha tells Sayuri, “...to be a geisha is to be judged as a living work of art.” Truly, Memoirs of a Geisha revives the sweeping spirit of old-fashioned film romance and a living work of art that entertains us for an hour or so, and then fades away taking our emotions with it.

The Past: Revisited

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 02:51:43 GMT

No, this is not a review of Agoncillo’s history book or some unknown movie, but a flashback of my life when I was still, hmmmm – younger. During one of my late night conversations with my college barkada the topic of how much we’ve changed since high school was brought up. Funny, I thought, I was the only one having problems recalling my high school days. It turns out that I’m not the only one running away from my past or as I call it --selectively forgetting my past. Somehow, all of us in our barkada have been so eager to leave our provinces and start anew in college but I’m not going to talk about my friends’ stories. This entry is going to be about me, myself and I when I was still in highschool and the story behind the why’s and how’s I ended up almost regretting it. Call it narcissism or vanity, but just let me be.

The first time I stepped in highschool, I thought everything would be happy, carefree, and spontaneous just like in the movies and T.V. “It would be normal” I said to myself. It was and used to be, until senior year arrived, I started to think that I’ve been living a miserable life. Pretending to be happy, telling everybody that I’m alright, which is not. I realized that all these years the only person that I’m fooling is just me and I felt the urge to get out of the shit hole I’m in. I made a complete fool of myself. I was so stupid that I’ve been hiding under the shadows of my so-called intelligent classmates. I was an achiever back then but when I got myself into highschool I became – just plain. I made them use me; they sucked everything else in me and made me feel that I was just a dumb pretty girl. I was inferior to the persons that never deserve to be treated like royalty or someone high and mighty. Although I’m not a geek, a dork or of the lower class in our batch, I just don’t like it that they treat me like I’m almost nothing and I don’t get the respect I’m entitled to.

After my graduation, I was so keen to leave for college because I’m not happy anymore and not growing as an individual. I realized that they’re not just the right persons to be with when you’re in a stage you needed attention (but it turns out that everyone needed attention too). But High school life wasn’t all downfalls and crap, if my memory serves me right, high school was a happy place too but with the right people to hang around with. I admit my high school years were terrible but hey, if it weren’t for highschool, I wouldn’t be here. Besides I have my friends who also shared the ups and downs in my life. Although they weren’t that always nice to me that’s because they’re my friends, they helped me get through high school (sans the suicide and breakdowns). Actually, my high school friends are the best buddies I could ever have, but I’ve got my priorities and own life to run to. I need to have my life back without anyone telling me what to do or not. So I appreciate their efforts to help me become a “better” person but this is my life. Besides, if they’re so eager to change mine, why can’t they change theirs?

College is like WOAH! It’s a whole new environment and much different than what I expected. After experiencing what college is really like, I discovered that college isn’t all getting high grades and partying, there were also drugs, 5.0, and a lot more crap. But it just happens that it is the right place and the right time to know myself better. What I love about now is that I get to express myself without being judged – or not? My point here is that, college isn’t perfect as I used to think but I love it here. In college, I can grow as a person, an individual. I am respected for my views. It’s just so sad that many still think that I’m still the same cold, bitchy, spoiled brat. It may sound so impossible, but I’ve changed. I’m way so much better than the person they used to know in high school. I didn’t hate everything in high school, I just hated that it was so superficial, well what can I expect --it’s high school.

Everything happens for a reason and I’m just glad that I’m able to say that I’m happy now.